


Jack Hellzone and The Bard

by J_A_Phillips



Series: J.A. Phillips' Starverse [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Gen, Giant Spiders, Magical Girls, Succubi & Incubi, Toku Hero
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 05:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_A_Phillips/pseuds/J_A_Phillips
Summary: One is a toku-inspired anti-hero, powered by Chaos Magic. The other is the Magical Minstrel, armed with magical musical instruments. Now, chaos and harmony must come together to complete a mission neither can do alone. Shenanigans ensue, and dead bodies will be left in their wake.





	Jack Hellzone and The Bard

They say that chance encounters never happen when you expect or hope for them to. Random chance is never earned, or else it wouldn't be random. You have to be patient and live your life your way, and then, when you least expect it, when it doesn't seem possible for your life to become any more complex or chaotic, the encounter that will change your whole world will happen.

...At least, so they say.

Jack knew this was true. How could he not? He'd seen enough insanity in his lifetime, or at least what parts of his life he could remember, and doing the work he does, to know that such things were true. He knew life wasn't ordered or structured in a way that could always be predicted, no matter how good you were at making predictions, or what powers you were in tune with. Life was chaos, pure and simple. Some days, you got stretches of time that were boring and predictable. But eventually, life would throw a curveball or two at you. And no one knew that better than Jack.

Jack waited out on the rooftop in the middle of a mild rain storm, wondering why it was his meetings always had to happen at night and in the rain. He'd gotten a message from his employers about a job, but they'd sent him a rather brief and somewhat distorted telepathic message. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time to get more information. All he knew was that there was someone he needed to meet and protect on this night at this time, and that he should expect interference. Luckily for him, though, that was the part of the job he was good at.

Eventually, Jack heard the sound of a door opening a few feet away as a lone figure in a long, black rain coat walked out to greet him. Even though the person was wearing gloves and baggy clothes that kept them shrouded in darkness, he could tell this individual was a woman. He could smell perfume coming off of her body that seemed almost...otherworldly. Within moments, he knew exactly what sort of person he was sent to protect.

"...So, you're my client?" Jack asked in a raspy voice that some might think was meant to intimidate, but really was his actual tone and voice. Or rather, the one he was stuck with. "Gotta say, I was NOT expecting this."

"I wasn't expecting my bodyguard to be someone dumb enough not to wear appropriate attire in a rain storm," the woman replied, observing Jack's football jersey with a fireball logo on the left breast.

"Well, 'the cold never bothered me anyway'," Jack replied, earning an annoyed sigh from his client at the obvious and overused reference. "So, you wanna tell me what this is all about, or are we just gonna exchange banter? 'Cuz I'm honestly okay with both."

The woman in the rain coat looked away for a moment before turning back to face Jack. "...I'm being hunted. They want me dead."

"Now, what could little ol' you have done to piss somebody off?" Jack inquired, folding his arms. "Actually, scratch that. Better question is, why am I getting called to deal with these people?"

"Among their numbers are members of organizations that are VERY underground," the woman explained. "Some of which you've had...unfortunate dealings with in the past, from what I've heard."

"You seem to know a lot about me," Jack observed.

The woman nodded. "...A man of scars and burns, and an evil grin who leaves bodies and ashes in his wake. A man that earth-bound demons either fear, or would be wise to fear. The man carrying Pandora's Skull. Jack Hellzone."

"Well, yeah, but leave out the jokes, and it just sounds boring," Jack snarked before letting out a sigh. "...Okay, I'm in. But I'm gonna need a better idea of what the hell is going on and why I should-"

Before Jack could finish, his ears picked up a light, almost ringing sound in the distance, cutting through the sound of the wind and rain. Whatever it was, it was getting closer, fast. Without putting too much thought into it, he pushed the woman aside, just in time for a series of strong, thick, silky whips to collide with him and the area of the roof around him.

Falling to the concrete with a groan, Jack managed to sit back up just in time to watch as another figure landed on the edge of the roof a few feet ahead of him. It was another woman, although this one was a lot easier to get a look at. She was a young woman, somewhere in her early to mid-twenties, and appeared to be half-Asian, half-Caucasian. She wore a green rain coat over a pink sweater, purple-framed glasses, and almost skintight black jeans. She had something akin to a guitar case slung over her back, and some sort of baton sticking out of her jeans pocket with the word 'Shimomura' engraved on it.

"...Lemme guess: One of the people trying to kill you?" Jack groaned, looking back to his client.

"That would be my guess!" Jack's client answered.

The young woman in the green raincoat hopped off the ledge and walked a few feet closer to the duo. "I'm not here to kill anyone I don't have to, but I've been given a mission from my superiors to protect someone whose life is in danger!"

"What a coincidence!" Jack replied, kipping up and dusting himself off. "So was I!"

The woman in glasses stopped, her face suddenly turning horrified. "Oh my God...what the hell ARE you?!"

Jack's jaw dropped indignantly. "The term is African-American, you racist!"

"I think she was referring to your scars," Jack's client suggested.

Jack reached back, realizing his hood must've come off his head when he kipped up. He didn't bother putting it back up, keeping his scarred, burned, and deformed face out in the open for all to see. In truth, his entire body, from his head to his toes and everything in between, was covered in third-degree burns and scar tissue. The kind of catastrophic damage via immolation that seemingly no one could possibly live through. And yet, here he stood.

"I don't know what you are, but you've got the smell of Chaos Magic all over you!" the girl in the green raincoat declared, grabbing hold of her baton that had moth-like wings on the tip of it. "And if you're protecting HER, that means you must be my enemy, too!"

"Well, have it your way, kiddo," Jack replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small, flat, grey object resembling a human skull before slapping it down in front of his abdomen. "In the words of your countrymen: **Henshin!**"

As soon as the device was set, eight more skulls appeared around Jack's waist like a belt. The front skull of the belt let out a sound like evil laughter, as orange light shone out of its empty, void-like eyes. The light consumed Jack's body as it began to resemble flames, all the while black, smoke-like lines started to stretch out around him as well. As both completely covered him, there was a flash of light. When it faded, Jack was now wearing a black bodysuit with orange flame patterns all around it, shimmering like burning embers. The tips of his gloves had long, pointed nails stretched out from them. An orange helmet with pitch-black visors resembling evil eyes and a sinister grin formed over his head. Black smoke came out of his belt in thick puffs as the laughter came to an end.

"Ore, sanjō!" Jack Hellzone declared, striking a pose.

"...My dad's actually from Taiwan, you jerk," the girl with the music case growled, waving her baton slightly as more ringing silk was released from it. "Now, let's harmonize, shall we?"

Jack blinked in confusion, the visor of his helmet altering itself to mimic the expressions on his face in motion. Before he could inquire further, the young half-Asian, half-Caucasian girl began to wave her baton more, like a conductor, all the while more silk was shot out from it. Jack readied himself to slice it apart, but it never came close to him. Instead, it just flew about through the air, resembling the staff on a music sheet, while the sound of music could be heard vibrating off of it. As the music intensified, the silk began to circle back around and surround the girl like a loose cocoon. As the silk spread across her, it began to change colour, turning various shades of pink, brown, and black. The silk shimmered brightly before reforming into new clothes that replaced the girl's original ones. Now, she was wearing a large pink hat with a feather sticking out of the side, pink framed and tinted glasses, a pink cloak draped around her shoulders and flowing down her back, a pink top with a black corset around her waist, black jeans, a brown leather belt with pouches tied to it, and brown boots. Her case was now standing upright alongside her.

Jack's eye twitched, having witnessed all of this, before excitedly exclaiming, "...Oh my God, you're a magical girl!"

The Magical Minstrel reached up and adjusted her glasses. "I prefer 'The Bard', thank you."

"Dude, I've always wanted to fight a magical girl!" Jack cheered, slapping one of the skulls on his belt. A flash of orange light shone out from it, a torch with fuchsia flames appearing in his grip. "Let's do this!"

Gripping her baton tightly, The Bard rushed toward Jack, all the while Jack's client stood off to the sidelines. As the two came close to colliding, Bard ducked and slid under a swing of Hellzone's torch, and released silk from the tip of her baton. It wrapped itself around Jack's torch-wielding left arm as she swung herself around him, tying the silk to his right leg after circling around him once, effectively tying him up. He tried to pull himself free, but the silk had no give to it whatsoever.

"Forget it, my silk is as strong as steel!" the Bard explained, watching in amusement as the Mad Toku Hero tried to get free. "You're not breaking through these threads!"

"Fair enough...but are they fireproof?" Jack asked, just before slapping the torch against the silk and setting it and himself ablaze. Within moments, the threads were reduced to ash, at which point he raised the torch up and gathered the flames back into it, dusting himself off with his free hand. "Got anything else, 'Babygirl'?"

Bard growled a little before opening her case, shimmering light pouring out from it. Reaching inside, she pulled out a violin bow, its side engraved with the word 'Davis'. At the same time, Jack hit the skull opposite of the first one he'd slapped, bringing out a second torch. The two exchanged parries and thrusts with their weapons before the Musical Magical Girl hacked her bow down through one of the torches. To Jack's shock, the string of the bow actually cut clean through the thick wood of the torch.

"You just broke my favourite torch!" Jack yelped, swinging his other torch at the Bard, only for it to be cut in half as well. "...And that was my SECOND favourite torch! What the fuck?!"

"THAT was for 'Babygirl'!" Bard answered, smirking a little.

"Oh, it's ON, now!" Jack roared, slapping another skull to unleash a chain whip that he swung at his opponent. The Bard managed to get her bow up in time to deflect it, but was surprised to see it quickly become encased in ice. Seeing the Mad Toku Hero swing the whip her way again, she instead opted to leap back and out of the way of the attack, watching as the rain that connected with the spiked ball at the end of the whip crystallized.

Contemplating her options, the Bard opened her case once again, putting the bow away and pulling free a pair of drumsticks emblazoned with the name "Collins". The tips of the sticks were a bright, burning gold, and were radiating heat. Twirling the drumsticks, she used them to deflect Jack's chain whip, the heat keeping the whip from freezing them.

As all of this went on, Jack's client clenched her teeth in annoyance. It was clear as day that her protector was neglecting her in favour of a fight, even if it was against someone who was out to get her. Turning around, she was about to take her leave, when suddenly, to the astonishment and horror of all those present, a colossal black spider landed on the roof, not even five feet in front of her. It let out a shrill shriek, its eight crimson eyes glowing with demonic energy.

"...Uhh, friend of yours?!" Jack asked as he and Bard broke away from each other, watching as the giant demon spider swung its legs at Jack's client and knocked her across the concrete of the rooftop.

"Uh-uh!" the Bard answered, gripping her drumsticks tighter as half of the spider's eyes focused on the two of them. "Also, I'm beginning to think there might've been a mix-up in my orders!"

"Right, change of plans!" Hellzone exclaimed, slapping a skull with his right hand to call out a spear shaped like a lightning bolt. "Kill THAT thing!"

The spider let out another horrid shriek, beams of searing red light firing from its eyes and lancing toward all three of its targets. All three managed to evade them, just barely, save for Jack's client, who was caught across the side with one laser. She tumbled, her coat coming apart to reveal the pale blue wings underneath, wrapped tightly around her torso. As she pulled herself to her hands and knees, the hood of her coat slipping off of her horns, she looked up to see the spider focusing ALL of its eyes at her, only for Jack to swing by and slash it across the face with his spear. It cried out in pain at being cut, as well as being shocked by electricity peeling off the tip of the spear. As it was stunned, the Bard managed to get up onto its back and start smacking it across the head with her drumsticks, sending blistering hot strikes through its skull.

"Hey, you might wanna consider getting somewhere a little safer, y'know!" Jack shouted to his client.

Jack's client stood up, staring indignantly at him with her magenta eyes. "Well excuse me, I thought 'safe' was near YOU!"

"I'm REALLY regretting taking this jo-OOOOOB!" Bard cried out as the spider spun webbing from its spinneret and caught her in it, hurling her across the roof.

"Chew on this!" Hellzone exclaimed, throwing his spear at the spider, only for it to catch it in its mouth and crush it in its teeth, which surprised him as usually spiders didn't really have those. "...Okay, you chewed on that. Um, good job?"

The giant spider spat out the head of the broken spear at Jack's client, looking to pierce her with it. Before it could reach her, though, Jack shoved her aside, catching the spearhead through his shoulder. He hollered as he fell to the concrete, the massive spearhead shoved through his shoulder, as his client watched on, helplessly. Before the spider could try to attack again, however, the Bard, having gotten back to her feet, reached into her case and pulled her now-defrosted bow back out, along with its matching violin, the word 'Stirling' written upon it. The Magical Minstrel quickly began to play on it, sending rays of light arcing and weaving through the air before colliding with the spider's side, shoving it off of the roof and sending it tumbling into the alley below.

"Ow, ow, OW!" Jack groaned as he slowly sat up, pulling the bloody spearhead free from his shoulder. "That REALLY fucking hurt!"

"Are you alright?!" the Bard inquired, despite seeing the horrid wound already healing up a little.

"Yeah, sure, I've had worse," Jack muttered, just in time to see a pair of the spider's legs reaching back up onto the roof. "...Fuck, that thing doesn't give up!"

"Why is it even HERE, anyway?!" Bard demanded, readying her violin again. "What does it want?!"

"It wants to kill ME!" Jack's client answered, getting behind the two as the spider pulled itself back up.

"Why does a giant, demonic spider want to kill a succubus?!" the Bard asked, trying to get a grasp of the situation.

"Dunno, don't care!" Jack interjected, digging his heels into the roof. "Let's give it something a little spicier to chew on!"

The Bard nodded, frantically playing on her violin to charge up more energy blasts. As she did, Jack slapped a skull on his belt to bring out a sawed-off shotgun, the barrel resembling a skull. Grabbing it in both hands, he quickly pumped it three times, black flames gathering in the eyes of the skull. The spider let out a roar as it focused all eight of its eyes on the group, its lasers getting ready to fire. Finally, both sides unleashed their attacks, the combined strength of Jack Hellzone's black, burning bullets, and the Bard's whimsical energy bursts breaking straight through the spider's lasers and colliding hard with its eyes. It screeched in unbelievable pain as its eyes burned in its head. It let out one last defiant roar before collapsing onto the roof, the last of its life spent. The heavy downpour put out the flames as the spider's corpse began to fall apart and was reduced to dust in the wind.

"...Well..." Jack panted, lowering his gun. "That...that happened."

The Bard sighed, turning to face Jack's client. "Alright, I want some answers. Why are demons trying to kill you?"

Jack's client looked away, letting what was left of her raincoat slip off to reveal the very prominent bulge in her belly. "...Because I'm pregnant...with a human child."

Hearing this, the Mad Toku Hero dropped his shotgun out of shock. He looked at his client's face, seeing how serious she was, before looking down to her stomach. Then he looked at the Bard, who likewise seemed every bit as baffled as he was. All the while, he was trying to decide what to say. Finally, unable to think of anything else, he settled on "...Mazel tov?"


End file.
